You don’t need a standing ovation from anyone or a promotion or to become the bestseller or to even have a million dollars. You are great and enough right now. You, yourself are smart and strong enough. No need to seek others opinions. You have nothing to prove. Once you stop to care less about who you are to other people and instead care more about who you are to yourself, the better you will feel and the better you will succeed at what it is you want to accomplish. You will have less disappointments and heartaches the moment you stop seeking validation from others only you can give yourself.
Very recently, I had the opportunity to be part of a team which I am thankful for. If you know me… By now you would know that I am always looking for a new project to work on. Sourcing out clients, looking for opportunities. Just trying to make something of myself.
I received an e-mail about a Social Media Gig from Dave Keystone. If you never heard of him, He’s the guy who is the Host on Corus Entertainment’s, YTV’s Cook’d and Dave’s Cook’d Kitchen. He was also one of the lead roles on U8TV’s Reality TV Show, The Lofters back in 2001. He also has credits for his Robert De Niro impression on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Has performed in many Stand-Up Comedy shows in Los Angeles, well established clubs in Toronto and on Caroline’s Broadway.
Currently he is the Founding Partner and Host of Canoodle Content. A YouTube mini series of a show called #KidsOn. A show which went viral and was seen on Forbes, Mashable, EliteDaily, The Huffington Post, Daily Mail, Elle Canada, Narcity , The Social on CTV and much more! It is an Adult Series about kids who give advice to our adult problems. You may think it’s ridiculous, but these advice given by kids are actually quite hilarious and could probably save you!
Anyhow, back to me! Dave Keystone has given me the opportunity to be the Social Media Voice of Canoodle Content. Which I was very thankful for. Things are looking up for me recently. Late last year, I’ve started my own Toronto Urban Clothing Line at Hustle Manifest together with my partner, Lynn Martinez. I also started to take my hobby of web and graphic design and turned it into a business which included my blogging and social media management. If you know anyone looking for some kind of Digital work, be sure to check out Mory & Co. Which then allowed me to work around my own schedule, from anywhere. I was able to get few contracts with clients and now an opportunity with a Production Company, Canoodle Content! I suggest you go check them out! The Complete First Season is already out on YouTube. The Second Season will be out soon! TUNE IN! AND BE SURE TO SUBSCRIBE AND SHARE! Also follow @CanoodleContent on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram!
Above is the Trailer for Season 1 of #KidsOn. WATCH and enjoy!
They say opposites attract. However, It is important that in a relationship you should find some kind of common ground if you want to build a relationship that will last. You will have a stronger connection with your other half if the values between both of you are shared. I am not saying that you have to mould your partner into another “you”. What I am saying is that create a relationship where you can see both of you spending your lives together. To better understand what kind of values or insights both of you may share or may not share, take a look at the following below:
You Surround Yourself With What?
While you may think your surroundings shouldn’t matter, it does. It is important because your other half will eventually become a part of your surroundings. Think about it. Think of your life style? How do you like your home space to be furnished? Are you a city life person or are you the person who would prefer to live in the country. What are the possessions that you value the most? Let these things sink in your mind… It will help the both of you realize if you are compatible with one another once you start wanting to live together.
You Spend Your Time, How?
I have to admit, I tend to prioritize myself with my own needs. I believe this is where most relationships experience falling short. When one gives more time to what is more important to themselves. But that is not how it should work. In a relationship, you need to also allocate time spent with your other half. It is important to know that your significant other also needs your attention and time. I think you need to re-think your commitment if you are having difficulty making time for him or her. In my case… her.
Finances, How Do You Manage It?
Oh for the love of money. This is where a lot of relationships fail. This is where the burst of anger tends to happen. What may be important for you to buy may not be for your partner. Some of you may be stuck in the YOLO life. Whereas the other is saving up for the long term goals, such as a home, important bills, even retirement. Sometimes these values don’t share common ground. But you need to compromise. Example, one spends less while the other saves a little more.
What Are Your Future Plans and Goals?
If you are thinking of having someone be a part of your future, then obviously you should share what you have planned in your future with them as well. Whether it’s your dreams or goals you want to achieve. It all matters. Why? Because you would want support coming from your other half making you feel like you can achieve and fulfill them. Plenty of times there are people who get into relationships, and once they finally settle down with each other they learn that they are not appreciative of their goals they are trying to make a reality or choices in their careers. You wouldn’t want to put strain on your relationships that’s why it is important that both of you support each others future plans. Don’t just say you do.
How Open Are You About Your Feelings?
Everyone has different ways of expressing their feelings. Some like to talk it out. I, for one like to have my space and write out all my feelings. Some take breaks from the relationship to help get things into perspective, while others feel dependent, emotionally to their significant others and want to discuss everything. I learned from experience that this can be a rough situation because when you know that your partner is stressing out and wants to discuss it with you and you’re the type who rather not talk (at the moment) and it just drives them crazy. But, that may be because you feel overwhelmed with your partner and feel like you just need the space. This also calls for compromising. How? One can express their emotions and feelings occasionally and the other can give space to breathe.
My End Result:
I have had my share of the dating scene. Been in and out of relationships. But not once, was I able to be myself and be open to my partner until now. I can say that I am lucky to find someone who shares common goals and future plans with me. One who knows how to compromise when it is needed. But not all things are rainbows and unicorns. We still fall short sometimes. But we always find common ground. We are both supportive with all aspects of each others lives. Oh! and she loves food just as much as I do! That’s a plus!
The early bird risers are usually the people with passion. There is this feeling that is magical upon waking early, and at dawn preferably. Before the rest of the whole world would wake up, this period of time is quite peaceful and also could be the most productive part of your day.
I started to get into the habit of getting up around 4:30 in the morning during the weekdays, when I’ve done so, I felt as if I weren’t living my life before. The amount of inner peace, progress and joy that I feel and experience during the day made me regret those many years that the sun would just always catch me in bed.
What is is about yourself that makes you so scared, and so ashamed that would go and hide it an any length?
The one thing that you have thought you have succeeded in forgetting to the point it will return to disturb and haunt you yet again in some moment, unexpected.
I know you have it in you, because deep down its in each and every one of us, its just placed under a different name.
Probably yours is called an affair that you had hope will never re-surface, a childhood memory, the nagging guilt that just won’t go and fade away, or maybe an extremely obsessive habit that you are trying so hard to keep it under control.
Possibly it’s that gnawing sense of blank empty feeling in your marriage or even your sexual identity.
Whatever it is that is scaring you and makes you wanna run away from, trust me, you are not alone.
You’re maybe wondering am I so sure. Well, I know because I , myself ran away from it too.
I am 31 years of age and I spent the first 20 years of my life desperately trying to convince myself and my loved ones, my family that I was surely heterosexual.
I was so afraid of being gay and very much ashamed of my feelings, that I seriously thought I was weird and not normal. The fact the I had grown up and was raised in a certain culture where even if the thought came to your mind, it was already a huge sin, added to disgust and shame I already felt for myself.
So what do you do when you’re the only girl in a Religious Filipino family and everyone looks to you to be the daughter who gets married to the perfect man and have a big family of your own and possibly being the torch bearer?
You suck it all up and find a man, get married right? Well that’s how my mind was working so I dated guys and dreamed of having a big wedding and having little kids of my own. Not the happiest I’ve been in my life. (Not saying that men are bad. just not my preference)
Long story short, I had a difficult time running away from it. Finally at the age of 25 I broke down, I couldn’t take the hiding any longer. I spoke to friends who cared and learnt a lot about myself. I let go of the feelings that made me feel ashamed, then slowly, painstakingly, had became whole.
And what i want to say to you is, you, yourself can also do it too. regardless of how much it scares you, the only way you are going to find peace is if you face it. If you don’t, it will someday find you at your worst moment and you may regret it, just like I have, not having to do it sooner.
So now your mind is thinking, “What if, MY situation is something that nobody would understand? What if it is so horrible that if I were to admit it, it could possibly destroy my life?”
Believe me, even if your impulses are the scariest, or what you have done is so horrific, the burdens of having to hold it and carry it with you secretively will most probably kill you faster than the actual pain of having to admit and seek for help.
It is because your fear is a lot more soul crushing than the actual situation that you are afraid of.
Today, begin your healing process, using this guide as your steps.
The Beginners Guide to Face Your Fear or Shame
1. YOU ARE NOT ALONE
This was a huge eye-opener to me. When fear or shame takes over, it starts to create this invisible bubble around you, which makes you feel different, feeling alone and even unable to connect.
After all, everywhere you go, everybody seems to be so “normal”, right? and you are stuck living in this world, full of people who are normal who live normal lives, making you feel isolated, feeling like nobody even likes you or even understand you if they knew about your secret.
I completely understand the feeling, I lived plenty years thinking that way too. But its all a lie.
Whatever it is you may be fearing or ashamed of… You are not alone.
This world we live in is huge, and each and every story, each impulse, every single thought of fear, is also being experienced by tons of other people too.
And you want to know something else? Someone, a person you admire most likely carries a secret as well of their own, and could possibly be jealous of what they think is your seemingly “normal” life.
Normal? there is no such thing. Even appearances are deceptive. We all are human beings and there is no reason for you to pretend that you are not.
It’s not the impulses that is separating you, it is what and how you choose to do it with.
Which brings me to the next guide in this lesson.
2. Find a decent and good therapist
“Fit” is significant in therapy. And there are so a lot of ways to find a decent therapist who is considered a good fit for you.
Ask help from your PCP (Primary Care Physician) for any referrals.
Dial up your health insurance company, explain your struggle in very specific terms then ask for the names of professional providers who work with such issues.
If you have any friends worthy of trust, ask them for guidance, advice, help.
Be open to any sort of trial and error.
Ask for a “consultation” first, that way you can both assess the right “fit”
During your consultation, make sure you ask the therapist about their views on topics that are important to you; such as religion or cultural norms or parenting styles or sexual identity issues etc; (The worst thing that can happen is with you working with somebody for such a long time only to find out that they’re an atheist while you, on the other hand are deeply religious or possibly, vice-versa).
At the same time, try to be open to being challenged on your own thoughts. That is where the growth will come from.
It is not necessary to spill the beans right at the first meeting. Get to know the therapist and get a feel of how good he or she is as “fit”. Ask questions like “What areas of specialization or what “type” of therapy they are trained in.
Never ever lie to your therapist. It’s entirely okay to say “I don’t want to talk about XYZ right now”, rather than telling them a lie.
Once you have begun working with your choice of therapist, be as consistent and open as you can be.
3. Come clean with those who are affected
Through your struggle with the “situation”, if you have drawn in other people in any way, get help from your therapist to come clean with those involved. Gathering courage, when I finally spoke to my then-mother about my true feelings, it was both the hardest and also the most liberating thing I had ever done. And it helped me respect myself again. She was definitely not happy and I know I have hurt her. But I felt free.
Don’t let your fear take away your integrity.
4. Live in the moment
During those long lonely nights and days in between all your therapy appointments, you will be alone with yourself and with your thoughts.
Within that time, the thing that I found most supportive was to stay and just live in the moment. It may sound simple, but can be also very hard to do, especially when your mind is so busy churning out a thousand worries and ongoing emotions.
Learning to stay and live in the moment has been life saving for me. Keep in mind… every day I am still learning.
5. Constantly remind yourself that what it is you’re doing does take a heck of a lot courage.
If you decide to face your inner struggles and to better yourself, you are incredible and even God will tremble before you. (Well, I would believe so)
I am not joking. It is much easier to face anyone or anything exterior, than it is to really look within. What it is you are doing is rare, and it is beautiful. And even though the road is long, narrow and hard, it will lead you to peace.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
6. Do something that gives you connection and pride
This isn’t no 100 meter dash run, it is very much a marathon. And just like a marathon, it’s very important to nourish yourself along the way.
What do you most like about yourself? What is most important to you? What kind of activities make you feel needed and connected? What are you good at?
At the crossroads of these 4 questions, is the activity that shall nourish your soul.
For me, it was getting myself in photography and design and even writing blogs like this.
For you, it may be taking your nephew or niece to the get ice cream every week, or helping out at the local coffee shop, or reading to people in a retirement home care or writing a book.
Whatever it may be, push yourself to find it. And once you find it, make it a essential part of your life. Self care is fundamental to this journey.
So yes, there you have it. A simple few steps or guide to help you in facing and defeating that nagging thing that is scares you.
You definitely deserve to feel alive. You very well deserve your peace. And you are worthy of being understood and being loved.
Right at the very end of it, you will look back at your life story. Make your looking back moment be with pride.
Be brave. Feel like Goliath. Go onward and eliminate your fears. Burst your invisible bubble and go feel alive again.
I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.
… Now, I should very much listen to my own advice. 😛
It’s not being egotistical or conceited or whatever you want to call it. You can hate me, or you can love me. Its called finally waking up and realizing what your worth and how valuable you are. Its about being happy and making those you care about just as happy as you are, maybe even more. Its called being independent and working hard to get where you want to be. its called being true to yourself, being true to others. Its about making the right choices and even when things get rough and hard, you still fight and try to be positive. It’s about appreciating everything you have then and now without forgetting where you came from. I am happy for who I am and those who I surround myself with. Family and friends. I may not be completely the same little girl you once knew, but I still have the same heart, care, love…the same dreams and the same support for whatever you all want to achieve. I do this for myself, not to impress anyone… but if I somehow give a positive impact to others, then I am happy.
Have a beautiful day I just want you all to smile.